Old Friends

This week an old friend of mine is visiting me. He'll be hanging out, sleeping on my couch, and getting a glimpse of my life here in Tucson. It makes me wonder about the separation between my friends from home and my friends here, and the difference between who I was when I made those friends and who I am now.

Danny, the friend currently falling asleep on my couch, is my oldest active friend, though active is kind of a strong word. Looking back, I've probably seen him only once a year for the past three or four years, even before I moved to Tucson. Before that, not much more; through college, we were pretty much in separate worlds. Yet he still considers me his best friend. I'm not sure if I should be honored or sad.

Then again, I don't even know if I have a best friend. Words like "best" and "favorite" are things I've always had trouble with. If I was getting married, I'd have a hell of a time choosing a best man.

Danny and I first met in fifth grade in the yards of middle school. He and a prior friend of mine got into a fight about who gets to sit under a certain tree, as mentioned briefly in a previous blog. Suffice to say, the first impression wasn't that good. The very next year, though, Danny and I were both placed in an advanced art program, which we both remained in throughout public school. Placed in close quarters, we became friends and were very close. Then, though we both started as art majors in college, I switched my focus before the end of my first semester. Then, after a few years in my D&D campaign, Danny quit near the end. After that, we rarely saw each other.

It's funny how I made most of my friends back home. I was a very shy kid, far shyer than I am now, so I almost never made any friends through my own efforts. Danny and I were stuck together in art class, so we became friends. Some were just the people who showed up for D&D. Others were just my co-workers. Some were good friendships that lasted for years, even up to now. Others were quickly forgotten as soon as we stopped being forced into each other's company.

I'm grateful for those friends I was forced to make through circumstance. Left to my own devices, I would have likely lived a very lonely life. I'm sure I could have made friends, but I didn't care enough to try.

I'm different now. Most of the friends I have around me are ones I made an effort to establish a relationship with. I'm still a introverted loner, but I've grown to value relationships more. I'm not sure if it's because I made an effort to make friends, or if I made friends because I started valuing relationships, though.

Suffice to say, though, that relationships are weird and I still kinda suck at them.